Wednesday, August 15, 2012

8?15/2012 What IS That Brown Stuff?!

I sat on the pool deck preparing
to inflate my air mattress even fuller.
As I looked down through the clear plastic
I could see some brown liquid inside.
"What IS that brown stuff?!" I thought to myself.
Only air goes inside an air mattress.
I sniffed the valve.
Chewing tobacco juice!
I couldn't believe it.
I look at my husband in the pool
and said, "Ew Honey, that's gross."
"How did that get inside my air mattress?"
He had the good grace to look apologetic and said,
"It was an accident."
I love my husband, but there are a few
habits of his that really gross me out.
I've survived my marriage by always trying
to focus on my own behavior,
but sometimes it's hard.
People are going to do what they are going to do.
Besides, chewing tobacco isn't his worst bad habit.
Trust me, you don't want to know...

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

8/14/2012 You're NOT My Grandma!

The little baby sat happily on her beach blanket
playing with her toys.
Her limp beach ball was her run-a-way favorite
and I swear it looked like she kept trying to
blow it up.
Heloise was only six months old, with dark blue eyes
and light brown wispy hair.
She had on a blue checked sundress with
matching bucket hat that covered her little head to her chin.
There is a gap when your children are grown,
before you get grandchildren, that can make you crazy.
All of a sudden that old biological clock
starts ringing and you crave babies.
Smart design we have, reinforced by mirrors
showing every wrinkle, that create a desire
for immortality, through grandchildren.
Terry started it by mentioning that the people in
the cabin next to us had a really cute baby.
The day before I had seen three baby raccoons,
three baby sea otters and one spotted baby deer.
I was in a baby frenzy after that.
I saw the young couple walking to the resort viewing bench
and grabbed a cup of coffee and
non-chalantly followed them down there.
I admired their baby, and casually mentioned
had two children, was a school teacher,
had been a scout leader for years...
Anything to sell my trustworthiness
because I wanted to babysit!
The next day as we left for a bike ride
I stopped at their cabin to see
if they might like to take our canoe for a spin
to see the seals and their pups in the bay up close
and of course I could watch the baby right there
on the beach where they could see her at all times.
So back to the beach.
Heloise played with her beach ball, then four different rattles
and we were having a wonderful time.
She could even say, "Goo!"
After a half hour I leaned over to pass her the pacifier.
Quick as a lightning she snatched my sunglasses
off my face and stared into my eyes.
Her deafening howl said
"You're NOT my grandmother!"
Luckily, her mom and dad were on their way into the beach
and I only had to have my ears pierced for five minutes.
That Eloise!
She is one smart baby.