Friday, February 28, 2014

Lock Down Drill With Kindergartners

I looked at the twenty toothless innocent faces
peering at me from their low, green carpeted risers.
"When you hear the fire alarm, I want you to hold hands,
Like playing Follow the Leader only holding hands.
I read, "When Pluto Visted Earth" and a moon phase poem.
The alarm sounded and I said, "Be quiet and hold hands."
The children stood up and began our snake-like procession
to my office. I flipped off the light switch as we went.
I had pre-locked the doors earlier.
I have thirty-seven windows to close
or cover so I did that all week.
I seated them on the carpeted floor against the cupboards
and held up a tiny blue teddy bear. I said softly,
"It's time for you to all look at this bear
and think of a good name for him."
One little girls lip was quivering so
I walked over and handed her the bear
and asked her to hold it up high
so her classmates could get a good look at it.
Then the dreaded question came,
"Is this a fire drill Mrs. Nixon?
We have never done this before."
I certainly wasn't going to talk about
"We are practicing being quiet and safe
in case a bad guy tries to steal gas
from the gas station and the police need
to catch him. Or a bear might get on our
playground and we don't want him to see us."
Naming the bears took a whopping five minutes.
I passed out my twenty Dr. Seuss picture books
and told them it was time to look at books quietly.
That took a whopping five minutes.
It was then time to trade books with a friend.
That took a whopping five minutes.
Then the fidgeting began.
Finally the principal thanked us
and told us it was over and to e-mail him
feedback. I e-mailed him this feedback:
On the way out of my office and going out into the library,
little Hannah looks up at me and says,
"I think five hours was a little too long."

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Larf the Sasquatch

I was reading the story of a
teen sasquatch being lonely
and wanting a friend.
Larf decided he wasn't ready to meet a girl
because he knew he smelled bad
because he hadn't had a bath (next page) EVER.
I held the book up to show the picture
and five year old Robert is sniffing his armpit.
I told him not to worry
because he wouldn't smell
until he was a teenager.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

The Shredding Cat Decides

I carried kitty downstairs and sat by
Terry on his futon couch and said,
"I'm sorry, but I told you I was
expecting a call and I didn't
want to interrupt you but you
could have used the other phone line."
"Now Cloudy decides who was right or wrong by
seeing which one she attacks the most."
(She's a bad kitty)
Terry reached over to scratch her behind the ears
and she gave him one bite.
"See, you were wrong." I said smugly.
I reached over to scratch her behind the ears
and she flipped over and gave me
the full body press,
shredding me with her teeth,
front and back claws.
Terry started laughing his head off and said,
"The cat is right!"

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Soldiers With Barrettes

I smiled at the cute little girl
as she carefully placed her books
like steps for me to zap with
my scanner.
"How was your vacation Susie?"
"Did you do anything interesting?" I asked.
Her eyes doubled in size and her eyebrows
shot up towards her scalp.
"Mrs. Nixon!" She exclaimed.
"We went to see the Nutcracker!"
"And guess what? It's a ballet
and my sister danced in it!"
I put on a serious face and said,
"Which part did she play?"
"She was a soldier and she had a costume
and everything! And she carried
a big giant barrette over her shoulder!"
I smiled and replied,
"That is so exciting Susie,
I wish I could have seen that."

Later I thought it over and decided
the world would be a much better place
if all the soldiers attacked each other
with hair care products
and the worst injury
was a bad hair cut.