The Christmas Party

I looked at Terry all cold and wet as I sat
in my recliner in my PJs all toasty and said,
"If you are too tired to go, we don't have to."
It was eight o'clock at night and he had just
gotten back home from delivering mail in the rain.
"No Honey, I think it is important since you are new
to go socialize with the teachers from Blackwell.
Let me get my bathrobe.
Now are you SURE it is a pajama party?"
I assured him it was and we would have a super-fun time.
As we wound our way to Ken's house I peered out
at the black, rainy night and said, "Gosh, I haven't been on
this road since I delivered mail on Dave Graham's
route in 1980. It still looks exactly the same."
It had been pajama day at Blackwell elementary
so I didn't need to change clothes after work.
At lunchtime, our school secretary, Lisa, said everyone
had to come to the party in their pajamas. Everyone at the table
said it was a great idea....
We entered the party and I was excited to introduce
my funny mailman to my delightful co-workers.
Not one of the forty people enjoying drinks and food
had on pajamas.  Except Lisa.
They ALL turned to look at the late arrivals
and had on the BIGGEST SMILES.

Raccoon Hat Soup

For costume day at work today,
I borrowed Terry's size 2X Daniel Boone shirt.
I pulled it over a bulky sweater but it was still baggy.
My pal Ruthie had a raccoon get in her chicken coop in 1985
and Johnnie took care of of the problem and made her a hat.
She gave it to me thirty years ago and it STILL stinks.
I added the hat to my costume and got to work.
I told the office manager, Jennifer, I was Luranna Boone,
Daniel's sister and frontier librarian.
I was in my broom closet/office when the
nosy kindergartners came to get their coats for recess.
As usual, a half dozen squished into my office
to see what I was doing. My hat was a big hit
and they took turns sniffing it and petting it
and saying, "Ewww..." Little Zachary looked up
at me and said, "Can we boil it for soup?"
From the Frontier Librarian Cookbook comes
the recipe for Hat Soup:
1 Boil the hat
2 Add salt and pepper
3 Make Zach try it first

Topless in Tahiti

"We've been swimming over four hours,
let's stop at that raft for a rest."
Kelly and Hugo and I were bored
sitting around the pool day after day
waiting for a 747 crew to call in sick
or go past duty regs.
The fourteen of us sitting reserve in Tahiti
couldn't believe our good fortune.
Three days ago I was laying on Sandy Beach,
south of Honolulu with three other
reserve flight attendants when Ellen Sue's
pager went off. She dashed to the pay phone
and came back screaming five minutes later
that she had been scheduled to deadhead to Tahiti
to sit reserve for seven days to cover sick calls.
Debbie and Kiki and I jumped to our feet and
raced to the pay phone. Debbie arrived
first was told she could go to Tahiti
and she said, "Hold on, my friends want to go too."
I was assigned the trip and so was Kiki.
Approaching Tahiti from the air took my
breath away. It was hard to imagine anywhere
prettier than Hawaii, but the endless shoals
around the tiny islands looked fantastic.
Our beachfront hotel was happy for the steady
business from Continental airlines and treated
us like royalty. Well, the front desk staff did
anyway, the barefoot maids glared at us the the
French-speaking locals were openly hostile
when we went to the store for French bread and cheese.
Every night the hotel put on fashion shows and
dance exhibits and after a few drinks
we would be asked to participate.
Jolly good fun but after three days
boredom set in and while all the girls
wanted to stay at the pool,
I needed some adventure and talked the two guys
on the crew into going snorkeling with me.
"I really need a rest guys, come along now."
We put our snorkel masks down and paddled to
the side of the raft and looked up at its occupants.
The two gorgeous girls were topless
and I managed to say, "Mind if we rest a minute?"
Kelly and Hugo couldn't speak but their
eyeballs nearly popped out of their heads
at the sight of their bare chests.
I felt embarrassed for them but it was rather funny
since normally both of them were unrepentant chatterboxes.
They spluttered and stared but no words came out and finally
the French girls managed to say in broken English,
"Go away disgusting Americans."
We paddled off and after a few more hours
in the crystal clear, warm bath-like water,
we returned our snorkel gear to the front desk
and thanked them for a wonderful outing and
told them we went to the mouth of the bay.
"But we told you to stay by the shore!"
the manager said emphatically.
"So many sharks where you decided to go."

Dream Library/Ornithology Center

I dreamed the school board gave us a building
but my library was a round building by the forest.
One side was books and the other side was tiered displays
of bird nests full of different speckled candies.
I looked out the window and a huge robin with
bright orange feathers was on a nest fanning her wings
in the sun and her chicks were too.
I turned around and the candies had turned into real eggs
but the chicks were hatching fully formed
into tiny two inch long beautiful birds.
I lean over and stare at the tiny mockingbird.
She fans her white and black wings
and I examine the tiny feathers,
looking closely at the black and white contrast.
My heart seems to grow bigger as I study the feathers
and I am filled to overflowing happiness.

Quail On The Run

I could see the top of the knee high grass moving
like in the movie Jurassic Park when the velociraptors
went hunting as my quails were on the run.
I could hear them trilling below the swaying swamp grass as
they dashed to freedom along the fence line and into the brambles.
I felt sad and proud like I felt on Troy's first day of
kindergarten as he climbed up those huge
steps of the school bus that would take him away
towards future independence.
The song, "Band on the Run" began playing in
my head and I felt cheered up thinking of
how much fun it must be for my covey
exploring the wilds of the yard.
Only Helen Keller remained in the coop
pigging out on the fresh feed in the dispenser.
I sat in my lawn chair enjoying the warm sun
and after a few hours I saw them bobbing around
back to their coop. Fred came under the fence first,
followed a little later by Ginger and Ella.
Gail didn't show up for another five minutes.
She's a full-blood bobwhite and pretty wild.
I tossed a raspberry to Fred and it rolled
under the buttercups. He lunged underneath
the weeds and came up chomping the juicy fruit
then turned and shared it with the girls.
They bobbed around the yard for a half hour
cooing and trilling before hopping back up
in their coop. After much burrowing in their
fresh pine shavings they all fell asleep in
the sun. I closed and latched the coop door.
Content knowing my little flock was safe.

Have You Seen the Whistle Pigs?

"I woke up with a song in my head Bren and it is to
the tune of "Have You Seen the Muffin Man."
I started singing in my goofy, robust voice,
"Have you seen the whistle pigs, the whistle pigs,
the whistle pigs, oh, have you seen the whistle pigs
that live on Boullion King?"
She looked at me across the kitchen table and smiled
and said, "If that's really what you want to do in
Ouray, let's go."
We hiked up from a trail called Falling Rocks
to about 9,000 feet in the glorious Colorado sunshine
and I began to whistle my chickadee call, followed by
my quail and pheasant calls.
"Look!" She shouted, "There they are! Tom
was wrong, they do come down below the tree line.
They came down because you called them."
I stared at the two fat groundhogs about 500 feet
away with surprise and happiness.
It was a tough two day drive from Seattle at 1,200 miles
in the blazing August sun but she needed her car
and when it comes to loyalty, I spell it with a capital L.
Earlier the previous day we got lucky in Toppenish
and the McDonald's counter girl told me the town was famous for murals,
so when Bren took a wrong turn going back to the highway
and I got to see over fifty really cool murals.
When we stopped in Ontario Oregon for lunch
I asked the waitress where Idaho was and she said,
"You're looking at it. Right on the other side of the bridge."
She smiled and said, "You'll like Idaho 'cause our speed limit is 80."
More like ninety the way we were driving to make it to
Ogden for the night. Tough work for Bladder Day Saints
determined to hit every rest stop in Washington, Idaho,
Oregon and Utah. It was getting dark a few hundred miles of
outside Twin Falls Idaho and we were getting nervous.
I suggested Bren call AAA and she did and the lady
told us we'd better stop at Trementon Utah for the night.
We got the last room and popped up at seven and cruised
through Salt Lake City and down down down to Ouray.
Coming into Ouray we stopped at the "natural" hot springs
for a rest break and after looking at the sunbathers
I decided humans could use a cute fur coat like dogs
to be a bit more attractive in their birthday suits.

"Here's A Dead Branch Honey"

I was thinking to myself,
"Why do weeds grow twice as fast as
my flowers?" as I sat on my little
plastic garden stool which has wheels
digging out dandylions along the road in
front of my house. I noticed two older ladies
walking down my road having a nice chat.
"We were just looking at those pretty purple
flowers yesterday." Said the shorter lady.
"Feel free to pick them anytime." I said
and stood up and smiled at them.
"Would you like to see my bird sanctuary?"
They replied that they did so I led them around
to mummy's wheelchair ramp so they could see
the birds bathing in my old Tupperware chip tray
behind the lattice under my fir trees.
We walked back down and I led them to the other
side where I had built a large brush pile
and added two more birdbaths with milk gallon
drips and a bird swing-set.
"My dog-walking friend Camille gave me
her daughter's old "Birds and Blooms"
magazines which taught me how to make my
yard appealing to birds." I said.
The ladies smiled and were delighted and
the taller one reached up and pulled a branch
from my hedge and handed it to me and said,
"Here's a dead branch Honey."
My eyebrows went up in astonishment but
I recovered quickly and said, "Thank you."
I had just put that dead branch there yesterday.