Thursday, January 5, 2012

1/5/2012 Ice Cream Bow Tie Stroganoff

Ice Cream Bow Tie Stroganoff:
Start at 10:00AM or you'll have tough meat
1. Find a pot-roast in the freezer
and feel guilty for hating to cook.
after thirty years.
Remember your mom saying,
"Guilt, the gift that keeps on giving."
2. Toss frozen meat in microwave for five
minutes so you can wrestle off that black tray thing.
3. Pour some canola oil in your really big
pan with vertical sides and a fancy lid.
4. Heat oil to medium high
and salt and pepper the meat and toss it in
salt and pepper side down.
5. Salt and pepper the top
and put the lid on and cook five minutes.
6. Flip it over carefully so you don't have to go
to the emergency room like you did in 2002.
7. Cook five minutes and carefully lift a corner
of the meat and pour one cup of coffee into the grease.
8. Make more coffee since that coffee looked really good.
9. Remember that your mother-in-law told you the
secret to really tender pot-roast is to,
"Cook the s--- out of it."
Smile because that is the only time you ever
heard her say a naughty word in twenty-five years.
10. Flip meat every half hour for a long time
11. When the meat gets tender, realize you hate
to peel potatoes and decide to make something new.
12. When Troy comes home from school at two,
bribe him with a ten dollar bill you found in
your address book to walk across the highway
to Grocery Outlet for mushrooms,
telling him he can keep the change.
13. Decide you better check your Joy of Cooking
cookbook just in case you don't know what you are doing.
14. Notice the main ingredient after meat is cream
and that your kid is long gone and you really screwed up.
15. Toss hunks of meat on a plate for another day.
16. Use your kitchen scissors to cut up the meat in
the pan into chunks and wish you hadn't let your
husband cut the rolled roofing with them
because now one side of the handle is loose.
17. Shove the meat to the sides of the pan
and have your kid cook the mushrooms in the middle.
Call it sauteing even though you are not sure
what that means.
18. When the mushrooms are brown tell
Troy to go shoot zombies with his brother.
19. Find some cute bow tie pasta in the cupboard
that your mother-in-law gave you when she left
to snowbird in Arizona and cook that.
20. Decide vanilla ice cream is related to cream
and add two cups of that to the meat.
21. Drain and add the bow tie noodles.
22. Make some stewed tomatoes even though your
kids say they don't like them and Teddy
does not believe they are
supposed to have bread in them.
23. Find your Joy of Cooking and pray that the
recipe calls for bread to shut him up.
24. Think about how much you miss your mom
and grandma and how much they loved stewed tomatoes.
25. Show Teddy the recipe and look at his astonished expression.
26. Wait for your cranky mailman husband to
get home from work and put food out.
27. Ask Terry and Troy to try to guess the secret
ingredient and think Terry's guess of eggnog
was not that far off.
28. Watch Terry and the kids scarf every speck of food
INCLUDING the stewed tomatoes.

































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