10/17/2011 Lazy Girl Split Pea Soup Recipe

1 Go to Safeway and pray split peas are on sale
2 Wish you could afford Kool Aid packets
for the kids but you can't so you keep walking. Buy Peas.
3 Go home and cut the bag of peas open and pour in a pot of water
4 Wonder if you'll get a horrible illness because you didn't
rinse them off but figure you won't since you haven't
followed those directions in thirty years
5 Start the pot to boil and set the timer so you don't burn it
then turn it off because you are too tired to deal with the peas
6 Dig through your freezer until you find your
Christmas ham hock
7 Throw that in a really big pot to boil to loosen the meat
8 Put the ham pot with loose meat in the fridge until the next day to cool off
9 Take the ham pot out of the fridge the next day
and warm it up so your hands don't get cold.
10 Cut the chunks of meat off and toss them in
what you hope is going to turn into pea soup
11 Wonder how many ham hocks your mom cooked in her
lifetime and wish she hadn't died so you
could take her some soup later
12 Put in as much ham as you can before the pots spills over
13 Wonder if your sons eat enough soup that they
would consider careers in landscaping since they'll
be very strong and you hate yard work
14 Wonder if it is ham that Jewish people don't eat
and try to think of how you could ask that question
tactfully to a Jewish person without offending them
15 Add some salt and pepper and a bit of butter, bring to boil
and then turn the heat down to low so you can take a
nap without burning down the house
16 Find out it came out well and feel very good about yourself